Running for Jill

By all accounts of the accident and the pictures I’ve seen, Jill should not even be alive. As a pedestrian struck by a drunk driver, Jill suffered what is called “internal decapitation.” It is as horrific as it sounds, and I won’t go into the gory details. Jill’s injuries were too many to count, surgeries too numerous to remember (for me, anyway, not for her or her Mom, who keeps track of everything, thank goodness!). Despite the original prognosis of only near survival, which seemed slim at best, Jill is a beautiful, vibrant and personable young woman. Working hard toward her goals of walking with better balance and posture, getting stronger and more independent, Jill has made considerable progress. Yesterday, I watched a video of Jill walking filmed many months ago. I was pleasantly surprised to see how much better her balance had gotten. She is now walking straighter, more evenly and smoothly. Nothing like video to show the true progress.

Jill is taking online college courses, hoping to figure out a way to navigate a college campus with minimal assistance. She’s on Facebook, goes out with her friends and enjoys her shore house with her family. In between visits at Push to Walk, she goes to a local gym and works there, too. She is dedicated and committed to her recovery. She always has a smile for me – I’m not the one telling her to do more 10 more reps or push harder! – and I enjoy talking with her Mom and sharing stories and information.

Jill’s Mom brought in the scrapbook she made about Jill’s accident, hospital stay and news stories. It is quite a testament to where she was and where she is now. It is an amzing story, and one that I know will be filled with more accomplishments and progress in the months and years to come. Keep working, Jill! And keep smiling, too!

So for Jill I ran 6 miles on Saturday. Of course, it was raining and miserable out, and as much as I told myself that I needed to run in the rain just in case it rains on race day, inside I was on the treadmill, pounding out the miles. And I felt good, just 6 miles, I thought! My last “long” run before the final week. Jill’s determination of her own helped keep me going, and the hour of running passed pretty quickly.

As I prepared for the final week of training before the “big day,” I thought of all the work I had to do and appointments scheduled, thinking it was better that I’d be busy and not fretting over the last minute details that are sure to surface.

Please show your support by writing back and letting me know you’re “out there” cheering for me, in spirit if nothing else! I’ll try to write one more time before Sunday’s NJ Marathon, especially because I want to recognize all those participating, supporting and helping us. It has been an incredible journey so far!

Cynthia

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The Final 10 Days

This past weekend, I spent time re-reading some chapters of the book/program I am following for my marathon training, Marathoning for Mortals. As it outlined what the final few weeks entailed, I was trying to focus on my running (obviously) and eating habits. The final couple of weeks seem more stressful than the weeks of logging many, many miles. Now it’s not the physical challenge, it’s the mental capacity to believe in myself, trust that my training has been done properly, and get out there and “do it.” Easier said than done. Even now, more than a full week ahead, I am tossing and turning in my bed, worrying that the race participants will have their packets and bibs! I know I don’t NEED to worry about this, but this is the way my mind plays tricks on me. Instead of worrying about my own performance, I am nervous about other related, but unnecessary, things.      

I DO feel confident in my training, my endurance and my ability to run 26.2 miles. Now it is the nerves and anxious feelings that have to be dealt with. I have decided to have a list (either in my head or maybe written on my wristband) of all the Team Push to Walk participants to look at while I am running. This is sure to keep me motivated, as I know I can’t let these other 29 people down and not cross that finish line. First on my list will be Darren, Mike L, Mike T, John and Tyler who will be riding their handcycles for the half marathon. Next will be all the members of my staff: Mike, Karla, Eric, Michele, Christine and Amy.  Then will be all the other members of our Team, and a few friends who are running/riding on their own. If I can keep all these reasons in my head to remind me why I’m running, I should do just fine………….

Thinking of the differences between physical and mental preparedness makes me think of our Push to Walk clients. People who have spinal cord injuries have to physically adjust to their paralysis and figure out how to do things all over again. A lot of things can still be done, they just have to be done differently. When I watch Darren drive, use his cell phone, or open mail (as a few simple examples), he does these things differently than I do. But he still accomplishes the same result. What I am not normally thinking about is how he has adjusted mentally to completing the tasks at hand. As close as I am to him, and our other clients and friends who have spinal cord injuries, it is not me. I don’t understand how the mind adjusts, copes, adapts to being paralyzed. But I can make a pretty good guess that the mental fortitude and strength is even more important to successful daily living.  It is the mental drive that can make a difference in a person’s happiness and productivity and success in life.

So it is these things I will keep in mind as I focus on being mentally prepared for the NJ Marathon on May 1st. I trust my body; now I must trust my mind, and heart, and soul. If you can come and cheer on Team Push to Walk in Long Branch, NJ, please do! You won’t be disappointed in seeing the determination and commitment of so many people reaching their goals. And it could be your cheers, your “high fives” or your claps that give the participants that little bit extra to propel them to the finish line successfully.

Hope to see you there!

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My Longest Training Run

If I was this anxious about running 20 miles, I imagine I am going to be down-right nervous about running 26.2! I know I’ve done it once before, but that was 3 years ago! And after feeling like I had been beaten up after running 18, I was worried about that, too. Maybe it was the very pleasant weather and sunshine that helped me this week. I felt pretty good, even though I got a little sunburned, and felt fine afterward, too. Committed to stretching and icing definitely helped. Thanks to all those who helped me realize how important they both are!

So Saturday’s run was about 4 hours. A long time to be with just myself. But I wasn’t alone; I had Push to Walk family members I was thinking about. First up was Charlie. Here’s a guy who tells it like it is. He doesn’t sugar coat anything and will be quick to tell you how much spinal cord injuries suck. Really suck. For a C7 injury, he has regained a lot of function in his arms and hands. In fact, the way he gets around in his chair makes you think he’s a para. And that’s at Push to Walk. I can only imagine what he’s like at the body shop he owns. He says he goes up and over things, through things, and only sometimes around things. I envision an obstacle course that includes steps to either navigate or get carried up/down. The wear and tear on his chair tells you this is not a sendentary person! Charlie keeps active and works long hours. Somehow he manages the almost 2 hour trip each way from the Princeton area for his weekly workout at Push to Walk. The long drive is tough, no doubt about it. But Charlie feels it is well worth it.

He enjoys spending time with his 2 kids and his girlfriend, Michelle. He is dedicated to not only getting stronger and more independent, but to figuring out how to do the same things he used to do before his motorcycle accident. Not much stops this guy, and I give him lots of credit for that.

As I’m running and at times struggling with the idea of “going the distance,” I think of Charlie and his downright stubbornness to not give in to things. Darn it, he’s gonna figure out a way! Well, darn it, so am I!  And I keep on running!

Somewhere around the halfway point, I realize that I’m not thinking of anyone in particular, so I try to focus on someone, something. My mind is all over the place, thinking of things for a brief moment, then the thought is gone. I play games with myself: how much more time; how many more miles; do I have enough water; if I eat an extra gel pack now will I have one at the end when I really, really need it? Then I tell myself to focus again.

I start thinking about what takes 2 hours – the rest of my run. Of course – a workout at Push to Walk! I think about the clients and a “typical” workout. Knowing how much energy it takes them to complete a workout and how tired they usually are afterward, I have a renewed motivation. I break the remainder of my run into 15 minute blocks. First, that’s how often I drink water. Then I think about the different equipment that is used during a workout and the parts of the body that are being worked on. If our clients can do a particular exercise or set of exercises for a 15 minute time period, then I can run for that long. Then it’s onto the next piece of equipment, the next 15 minutes, and a sip of water. One foot in front of the other. I can’t say the next 2 hours “breezed” on by, but I did get thru them, and I felt pretty darn good afterward! Whew!

Am I ready for the full 26.2? I think I am! I hope so!!! I look forward to the next three weeks of “easier” running and preparing my mind to go the distance. If you have any thoughts to share on getting me thru this, I’d love to hear them!

Cynthia

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Confidence Restored, part 2

My previous post was about my own confidence; this one is about Darren’s.

Darren will be using his hand cycle to ride the half marathon at the NJ Marathon in Long Branch, on May 1st. Due to winter weather and scheduling conflicts, Darren has not been on his bike for many months. His first ride last week was UGLY! I was so worried about him. He only went 2 1/2 or 3 miles, but came back exhausted. Not only was he tired, but he knew he needed some adjustments made to the bike to make it easier and more comfortable to ride.

Darren arranged for a dear friend of ours to meet him at Push to Walk and see what adjustments could be made to the hand cycle. Everyone needs a friend who is handy, creative, and wants to help. Our friend is Dom, affectionately called “Donnie” by close friends and family. He is a life saver! He has worked on Darren’s wheelchair, his rugby chair, his shower chair, now his hand cycle! It was like night and day seeing Darren return from this second ride. He was so much more comfortable in the cycle and positioned better, that his ride was much more enjoyable this time around. Thank goodness! He has so much more confidence now that he would be able to ride the long distance demanded in the half marathon. 

Darren and at least three other Push to Walk clients will be using handcycles in the NJ Marathon. I think 2 are doing the half and 2 are doing the full (not 100% sure about that). Training is difficult and time consuming. But I think because they are part of Team Push to Walk, they are motivated and  committed to participating and finishing the race. I hope I get to see them all beforehand and wish them well!

If you would like to support Darren, anyone else on the Team, or the Team in general, please visit our website (www.pushtowalknj.org) and click on the Marathon banner. We need all the help we can get! And who better to support than the clients themselves, working towards a goal, making a commitment and cycling 13.1 or 26.2 miles!

Confidence, drive, determination – these riders have it all! Good luck!

Cynthia

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Confidence Restored, Part 1

After suffering a minor setback the day after my 18 mile run 2 weeks ago, I am back on track! Thanks to a wonderful neuromuscular massage therapist, stretching exercises and being diligent about icing my back a couple of times a day, I feel great! This is my hardest training week, leading up to a 20 mile run on Saturday. This morning I felt exceptionally good, and even set the treadmill at a faster pace for my last quarter mile. Not that I’m thinking of sprinting that last .2 miles at the NJ Marathon, but nice to know I can do it after a shorter run. It’s all about CONFIDENCE!  

Reaching plateaus, experiencing setbacks and enjoying the rebounds are what our Push to Walk clients face every day. Whether it’s in their personal relationships, performing the daily tasks of personal care, or in their roles as students or professionals, people with spinal cord injuries  encounter challenges of many sorts on a daily basis. As I relate my minor setback to their challenges, I am reminded once again how fortunate I am to be healthy and running. I am running for people with spinal cord injuries; for those who are not running now. Perhaps they were runners or athletes or fitness nuts. Maybe they hated running or any other kind of exercise. But what they would give now to take one step, to walk a few feet, to run 10 yards. I can only imagine. I do not know how that feels. And so I run, day after day, mile after mile, for all the people who inspire me to do what I can.

In the process, I hope to raise awareness of spinal cord injuries, to raise funds to help more people through our exercise program at Push to Walk and to do something for the “greater good.” I hope you’ll help me by supporting Team Push to Walk at the NJ Marathon on May 1st. Check our website to see how you can help! Click on the Marathon banner and check out our fund raising efforts. Or come that day and cheer us on. It would be great to have friendly faces supporting us on the course!

Cynthia

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8 Miles – A Good Test

After a week of taking it really easy, stretching, icing and only a little bit of running (very little), I felt ready to tackle 8 miles on Saturday. But since I wasn’t overly confident, I ran inside, on the treadmill. I actually felt pretty good, and was pleased at my pace. My back had kind of a “heavy” feeling in the beginning – I guess it was tight, and seemed to get better as I ran. I made sure I stretched more than usual (I hate stretching, which is probably what got me in trouble to begin with!) and iced afterward. I have to say I was really good with stretching and icing all weekend. Now I just have to keep up the good habits!

This coming week is probably the hardest in the whole 20 weeks of training. Lots of running, 2 days of cross-training, and culminating in a 20 mile run on Saturday. It will mean getting up earlier than usual to fit in the day’s program, then stretching and, of course, ice packs!!! I hope my mind is ready for this! After slacking off last week, which I know was important to make sure I didn’t aggravate my back even further, I need to really buckle down and be serious this week. Wish me luck!

I have to admit that I was so wrapped up in how I was feeling, concentrating on any twinges of pain or nagging doubts, that I couldn’t really concentrate on who I might be dedicating my run to. I guess I was running for myself, and that’s not all bad, but now I feel like I really should have been thinking about a Push to Walk client. Maybe then I wouldn’t have been so self-absorbed. Oh well, too late for that now, but I will keep that in mind next time (Monday morning) when I step on the treadmill. Will probably be better if I do dedicate my run, and think of something or someone other than the pain I might or might not be in.

Guess it goes to show that not every workout goes as you want it, just like every day doesn’t either. You have to learn to “go with the flow,” adjust, adapt, take what’s thrown at you. Who knows this better than people whose lives have been completely disrupted by a life changing event like a spinal cord injury? And even when you think you have something figured out, a monkey wrench is thrown in the mix, and you have to adapt all over again.  These are the thoughts I will keep in mind the next time something doesn’t go as planned. It’s probably a trivial, minor inconvenience that I can deal with. Reminds me of that saying, “don’t sweat the small stuff.”

So I’ll tackle this upcoming week with a renewed sense of purpose, and the commitment to my goal of completing the NJ Marathon in just 4 weeks! Wish me well!

Cynthia

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A Painful Wake Up Call

For the past 3 months plus now, I have been running and training for the NJ Marathon on May 1st. I’ve been feeling healthy and fit. I’m eating better (most of the time) and sleeping better. Even though I would say I would run and train “as long as my body held up,” I never really thought it wouldn’t. Whoa! Then came the morning after my 18 mile run, which was the day after the Push to Walk Poker Tournament. I woke up in a LOT of pain, my back hurting and every movement made me wince. OUCH! I guess I over-did it……….

For several days, now, I have been stretching, icing and putting Aspercreme on my back. Each day, I feel better and better, but I’m taking it really easy. No exercise at all on Sunday and Monday. A short 30 minute walk at low speed on the treadmill on Tuesday, and a 30 minute, not very strenuous ride on the exercise bike this morning (Wednesday). Feeling OK, but fearful that it will start hurting again.  This pain scared me like no other pain has in the past. It was interrupting my training! I was hurting! I wasn’t even thinking clearly. My mind was so focused on the pain that I couldn’t think of other things. Not good for working. I need to train; I need to run this marathon…………think of the whole Team Push to Walk and all the people involved. It’s not just me anymore.

I want to walk/run tomorrow on the treadmill and see how I feel. I am promising myself to take it easy and not run thru the pain. I will see how I feel and plan accordiningly.

What a wake up call this was! It brought back horrible memories of back and neck pain. I hadn’t felt pain in so long, I had forgotten how debilitating it can be. But then it made me think of so many people I know who live with pain on a daily basis. I was fortunate and found a solution that worked for me in Dr. John Sarno’s work. Margaret, Darren’s neuromuscular massage therapist, recommended his books to Darren, who then suggested them to me: Healing Back Pain and The Mind/Body Prescription.  I have found that his techniques really work for me. Not that I think the pain I have now is related to stress (although it could be compounding it), but the idea that I have found something that works for me. So many other people have not found a solution, and especially for people with spinal cord injuries, they may never be relieved of their pain. So I count myself lucky, once again, that my pain is temporary and I can get back to running very soon. I worry about so many others whose lives are consumed by pain, preventing them from doing so many things they want to do. It brings me back to reality, and reminds me of how lucky I am to be healthy and well.  

Hopefully I’ll be blogging very soon about my next run! Cynthia

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WOW! 18 Miles!

As I continue my training for the NJ Marathon on May 1st, I mapped out a route of two segments of 9 miles each. There would be about a 10 minute break in-between, to transport me from one location to another. In the past, I have run this stretch of road, and it is just too dangerous. So my husband met me and drove me from the end of the first 9 miles to the beginning of the next. It was kind of brisk weather – mid 30’s – and sunny. I was psyched for the distance and liked the route I had planned. I overdressed (as usual!) and had to ditch a layer and my hat halfway through. Otherwise, the run went well! I was even able to push myself at the end, with the saying “run, Cynthia, run” (as in Forrest Gump) keeping me going.

During this three and a half hour activity, I was reviewing everything about the Texas Hold ‘Em Poker Tournament the night before. The planning was a little easier this time around, as usually is the case, when you are repeating an event. I learned from last year to have more helpers, and that worked out great. I had the best people helping, offering to do whatever needed to be done, and when they finished one thing, they jumped right to the next task.

As the players came in, it was nice to talk with those I knew, thanking them for supporting Push to Walk once again. I met some new people, too, and enjoyed talking with everyone. With more help this year, I was able to “work the room” and wasn’t tied down to a job for the evening. That was nice!

What I thought about most during this run, though, were the people in chairs who came to support our cause, even though they are not clients of Push to Walk. One guy came all the way from Flemington, another lives in NYC and had been traveling most of the month of March. He came back early just so he could come to our event! Between the long drives and the planning it takes to do extra events like this, I was so appreciative they made time for Push to Walk! And several of our clients, too. It was great to see them there, having a good time.

These thoughts morphed into thinking about so many other people I have met who use wheelchairs for one reason or another. In  most cases, a chair is being used for a spinal cord injury, but not always. I have met some wonderful people and their families, all dealing with their injuries and their challenges in individual ways. Some seem to have it all figured out (I don’t know if they really do, or just seem that way), some have challenges that are on-going, persistent and difficult. As I meet each person, I enjoy talking with them, learning about them and spending time with them. It doesn’t necessarily involve any conversation about why they’re in a chair. Sometimes it comes up; oftentimes it doesn’t.

In any case, I guess my mind was quite occupied with these thoughts, as my 18 miles didn’t really seem that terrible  (until the next day that is, which will be the subject of my next blog!). So as I reviewed the success of the event, the people who helped and those that supported us, I was grateful that Push to Walk has so many “friends.” Thank you, friends – all of you – for helping us accomplish our goals. And thank you for the motivation to reach my own personal goal – running a full marathon in just 5 more weeks!

Cynthia

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Clients I Miss or Haven’t Yet Met

My run on Saturday was for 8 miles, which I estimated would take just under an hour and a half. I felt good as I was running, and realized that I had run continuously with no breaks for more than an hour. Perhaps it was because my mind was very focused. I had been thinking of the clients who previously came to Push to Walk but stopped coming for a variety of reasons. I had also been thinking about lots of people who had called or e-mailed but never became clients. Both groups of people made my heart sad for one reason or another.

First, the people we’ve met and gotten to know as a result of being a client – I miss them! In most cases, I met one or more family members and formed relationships with them. I learned about their family, their interests, their personal story. Every new story never fails to break my heart – there is never a “good” story about a spinal cord injury. There is always heartache and grief, which hopefully leads to acceptance on some level or at least adaptation in some sense. Everyone finds their own way of dealing with this cruel twist of fate that left them or their loved ones paralyzed.

I think of Luigi, Robert, Cindy, Walter, Matt, Lucas and Ikiyan. I think of Anthony, Heather and Carmen. I think of people who have visited us from out of town: Patrick, Shane, Brittany and Mike because they live too far away to come on a regular basis. People that I know benefitted from Push to Walk’s program, but financial concerns, or transportation or other challenges just made it too difficult for them to keep coming. I try to keep in touch with each of them as best I can, but admit that is tough to do. I don’t want to make it seem like I am “selling” Push to Walk’s program to them. I just want to know how they’re doing. I hope they are all doing well, and finding their way in this world of spinal cord injury.

There are other people I’ve spoken to on the phone, e-mailed back and forth with, and maybe even met. But they or their loved ones never came to Push to Walk. Why? There are as many reasons as there are stories and injuries. Oftentimes, it is the money, there’s no doubt about that. How I wish we could charge less for our services, then so many more people could come. If we could make our hourly fees more affordable, that would make such a difference for so many people. But until we find an angel, or substantial grant money, or win the lottery, we must charge our current fees. Even that amount of money isn’t enough to cover our operating expenses; our fund raising events are critical in making up the difference.

But I feel like I know these people I’ve never met. I know their stories, what they’re dealing with, the challenges they face. I know how many other children are in the family, how they renovated their houses, how their jobs have been adjusted, or even lost, how their spouses are coping (or not) – they have allowed me access into their personal life hoping I can help them. And as much as I do help them, I feel it is never enough. Their stories tug at my heart strings while I try to give them factual information to make their daily lives easier – home modifications, standing frames, other equipment they will need, medical supplies, insurance coverage, government benefits and more. While they may never actually come for services, I try to help whenever and wherever I can. Oftentimes, the phone conversations are lengthy, sometimes at night or on the weekends. When I give my cell phone number out, it might ring at anytime, and I try to make myself available as much as possible.

When a person calls again after some period of time has passed, I can usually recall names, where they live, date and level of injury – all without referring to my notes. Why? Why can I remember these details so vividly for people I’ve never met? I guess because we have the connection of a spinal cord injury; the common understanding of the challenges we need to face; and the need to talk to someone who understands. These people I’ve never met are part of our family now, even though they have yet to come through our doors. Some never do; some do eventually, when the time is right.

These thoughts kept me running for 8 miles, and a good run it was. As I get closer to the date of May 1st when I run a full 26.2 miles in the NJ Marathon in Long Branch, I will think of all these people, near and dear to my heart, some of whom I’ve never met, but think of nonetheless. I will be thinking of them and running for them. With all of these people behind me, I am confident I will make the distance!

Cynthia

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Parking Spaces for People with Disabilities

For all of the “political correctness” going on the world today, it is still commonly accepted to say “handicapped parking” for some reason. I know I am super sensitive to this whole issue, and I know that taints my opinions and what I’m going to write here, but I’m kind of fired up about it at the moment. But the words are not the reason I’m writing; just the reality of the difficulty that people who have disabilities face when parking in public places.  

So even though I ran yesterday and today, continuing my training for the NJ Marathon and raising funds for Push to Walk and people with spinal cord injuries, I must digress for today’s topic.

I brought my new Audi to the dealership today for a defect I consider to be an inherent fault, but the people at Paul Miller Audi in Parsippany didn’t agree. They sent me on my way with an offer I considered less than substantial, and I have resolved not to buy another Audi in the future. But that is not why I am writing this either.

Upon arrival at the dealership, I notice a car parked in the handicapped access grid. I remember seeing this on my last visit as well, but did not speak up. Definitely wrong on my part, so I was determined to say something today. While waiting to see the service manager I had an appointment with, I strolled over to make casual conversation with my salesman. I told him why I was there: because the paint job on my Audi sucks and the Audi rep was going to take a look at it. But then I said, “there’s something else I want to talk with you about.” When he asks what that is, I ask him why there’s a dealership car parked in the handicapped parking access grid in front of the building. As we walk toward the door to see for ourselves, he says, “we were just talking this morning about where to put these 2 cars (motioning toward another car nearby as well).” I said that I know I may seem overly sensitive to the whole issue of handicapped parking and access since my son uses a wheelchair, but parking a dealership car in the access grid is really wrong!

This salesman, nice enough guy, says to me “you’re not supposed to park there? It’s not the space, it’s NEXT to the space.” After I closed my mouth, which had dropped open in disbelief, I said “are you kidding me? do you not know why there are ACCESS grids next to handicapped parking spaces?” We proceeded to have a conversation about WHY there are grids, what their purpose is, why they are placed between spaces, they provide access to the sidewalk, etc. He claimed “I never knew that!”

WHAT????? Are people really this ignorant? (Apparently yes) Do they just not care (I guess they don’t).  So I “enlightened” this guy, and maybe now when he goes to the supermarket, or the mall, or the movies, just MAYBE he’ll look at one of those grids and NOT park there himself. MAYBE. Maybe he’ll actually think about a person who uses a wheelchair and how they need a little extra space to manuever getting in and out of their car. MAYBE I “taught” someone something today.

The next time I drive by that dealership, though, I’ll be sure to look at those handicapped spaces and see who’s parked there. And maybe I should send them the pamphlet that this excerpt came from:

“The striped area next to the parking space is called an access aisle and is strictly off limits for parking to everyone, regardless of whether or not they have a handicapped parking plate or placard. The access aisle must be in place in order to ensure that people who use wheelchairs have room to transfer in and out of their vehicles. Only the handicapped parking space itself is reserved for those individuals who have proper identification on their vehicles (i.e., placard, tag, or plate) indicating that they are authorized to park in these designated areas. The access aisle or striped area next to the parking space is NOT a parking space. Anyone who parks in this area illegally should be reported to a local law enforcement officer.”

Perhaps I should get a lot of these pamphlets and give them out to everyone. Just MAYBE we can “enlighten” a few more people. Wanna help??? GRRRR

Cynthia

 

 

 

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